kristin has been a bad kristin
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
