ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
