i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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