I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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