I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
