you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
