I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
