I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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