Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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