I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
