i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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