from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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