Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
