C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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