I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So many bounce houses so little time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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