you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
