Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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