i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
