i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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