So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
