btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
