Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
