sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
