i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
