this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
