she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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