I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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