I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
