i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
