Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
