somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
