soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
