My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am naked and annoyed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
