The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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