Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
