The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
