a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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