I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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