Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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