Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
