her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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