Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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