those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
