she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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