I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
