before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
