Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
BRING THE BAGELS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
