We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
