the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
