By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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