Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
