Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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